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Jokes
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Enough with the child-appropriate humor! It's time for some dirt and filth that we all secretly crave—dirty dad jokes, X-rated jokes, and corny jokes for adults that would not be so school-appropriate. And don't be shy; even if you don't like (lies) filthy adult jokes, you must admit that you at least find them funny. Hey, your secret is safe with us.
If you ever find yourself in a gathering with no child nearby where you don’t need to come up with family-friendly jokes, cracking filthy jokes is one way to liven up the party. The Susan of the group might give you a disapproving face, but heck, you better believe that she'll surely go see a priest after because she totally got the joke. It doesn't necessarily mean that all adult jokes are of a sexual nature. Okay, most of them are, but hey, that's why we love them.
Below, we gathered some of the filthiest, dirtiest, or simply funniest jokes of the day that the little ones would be better off not hearing. Do you know any more dirty jokes? Have a personal favorite go-to joke? Share it with others!
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#1
"My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her."
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Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member Follow
Oh... oh
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#2
"Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera."
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Brenda Brenda Community Member Follow
ROTFLMAO 😄 😄 😄
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#3
"Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst."
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Anette Lindholm Anette Lindholm Community Member Follow
Now, that's funny 😂
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#4
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
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Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member Follow
It's like donating blood. They always ask those stupid questions.... "Whose blood is it? Why is it in a bucket?" I stopped doing this.
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#5
"I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around.”"
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ArodTheHorrible ArodTheHorrible Community Member Follow
I should know!
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#6
Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.
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Anette Lindholm Anette Lindholm Community Member Follow
Savage
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#7
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
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Brenda Brenda Community Member Follow
Very important to remember
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#8
"The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved."
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Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member Follow
With those problem solving skills, you'll be a star of your ward
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#9
"My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals."
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Brenda Brenda Community Member Follow
Seems fair
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#10
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.
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Community Member Follow
wow just wow
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#11
"I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy."
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Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member Follow
Holesome guy
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#12
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
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Headless Roach Headless Roach Community Member Follow
Still better than "bon apetit"
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#13
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?” Dad: “Call me George.”
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Viki Lee Viki Lee Community Member Follow
Damn!!
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#14
What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
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Brenda Brenda Community Member Follow
😄😁😆😅🤣😂
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#15
"My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow."
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Brenda Brenda Community Member Follow
Take mine first!
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#16
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
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Brenda Brenda Community Member Follow
My husband, dad ,DIL and grandson all September birthdays. Lol 😆 🤣
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#17
"I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except for one person."
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Dillon Brown Dillon Brown Community Member Follow
Star trek dark mirror vibes on this one
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#18
"I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors."
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Dillon Brown Dillon Brown Community Member Follow
😂🤣😹
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#19
"My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?"
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Dillon Brown Dillon Brown Community Member Follow
Her dog after you broke it's back legs? You sound like that kind of guy, Jerry!
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#20
"As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice."
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Brenda Brenda Community Member Follow
OK, this is FUNNY!
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#21
"I'll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. "Are you still holding the ladder?""
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Eat Dirt Crow Eat Dirt Crow Community Member Follow
I remember the last words my grandfather told me right before he kicked the bucket. He said "Wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
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#22
Wife: “I want another baby.” Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”
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Mere Cat Mere Cat Community Member Follow
Husband should have said "but you already ate two!"
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#23
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree exclaims, "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
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Timothy Jamelli Timothy Jamelli Community Member Follow
Bahahaha this is punny
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#24
Option 1: Let’s eat grandma. Option 2: Let’s eat, grandma. There you have it. Proof that punctuation saves lives.
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CHRIS DOMRES CHRIS DOMRES Community Member Follow
When is snot not snot? When it's not.
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#25
Why are cigarettes good for the environment? They kill people.
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Full Name Full Name Community Member Follow
Technically it's true
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#26
Priest: “Do you have any last requests?” Murderer sitting in the electric chair: “Yes. Can you please hold my hand?”
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Dillon Brown Dillon Brown Community Member Follow
Bwa ha ha! If he holds one of those bad catholic priests hands it might be enough to get him into heaven! 😏
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#27
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
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Beautiful Tragedy Beautiful Tragedy Community Member Follow
Ha I laughed out loud at this
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#28
Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells!
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billie wright billie wright Community Member Follow
lol
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#29
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
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Frances M Frances M Community Member Follow
That one relative your parents always use as a caution…. “Don’t do that or you’ll end up like xxx”
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#30
Man: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?” Doctor: “To the morgue.” Man: “What? But I’m not dead yet!” Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”
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Dillon Brown Dillon Brown Community Member Follow
Reminds me of the month Python "bring out your dead!"
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#31
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
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Shiloh Casey Shiloh Casey Community Member Follow
Red or brown stain?
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#32
"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read."
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Amy Adams Amy Adams Community Member Follow
Ouchy! 😬
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#33
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
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nooneimportant nooneimportant Community Member Follow
that is funnnny
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#34
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
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Lola M Lola M Community Member Follow
As an emo adult, I can agree.
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#35
"It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive."
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Brenda Brenda Community Member Follow
LOL 😆
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#36
"I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other."
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Full Name Full Name Community Member Follow
😳
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#37
What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters? They just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out."
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Full Name Full Name Community Member Follow
I'm sharing this one lol
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#38
"The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family."
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Brenda Brenda Community Member Follow
☺️😝🤪
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#39
"I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section."
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F.clarijs F.clarijs Community Member Follow
😳
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#40
"They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline."
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Dillon Brown Dillon Brown Community Member Follow
That you Stewie?
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Dekker451 Dekker451 Community Member Follow
It's called dark humor for a reason, Brenda.
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Dillon Brown Dillon Brown Community Member Follow
Yeah Brenda!
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Tres D Tres D Community Member Follow
You know what never gets old? Dark humor and unvaxinated children.
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Jiji The Cat Jiji The Cat Community Member Follow
i was about to downvote you then i got it. congratulations, you get an upvote instead
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Ray Heap Ray Heap Community Member Follow
Filled up the Escort with petrol, she died.
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Dekker451 Dekker451 Community Member Follow
It's called dark humor for a reason, Brenda.
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Dillon Brown Dillon Brown Community Member Follow
Yeah Brenda!
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Tres D Tres D Community Member Follow
You know what never gets old? Dark humor and unvaxinated children.
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Jiji The Cat Jiji The Cat Community Member Follow
i was about to downvote you then i got it. congratulations, you get an upvote instead
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Ray Heap Ray Heap Community Member Follow
Filled up the Escort with petrol, she died.
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